the look of love September 28, 2009

Giving birth to a child is an amazing thing.  It doesn’t take long for us to fall in love with the little bundle that we bring home from the hospital. They smell so sweet and fit so perfectly in our arms.

Our babies attach themselves to us pretty quickly. However, it’s their needs that outweigh all other movitation. They want us because we are the ones with the milk, and we have the ability to comfort them. They don’t know what love is yet.

Then one day, it all changes. They look at us with a big drooley smile and a sparkle in their eyes.  It’s undoubtedly the look of love.

It happened this week.  I saw it in little Levi’s face.  He loves me!  He is thrilled to see me, to hear my voice, and to be in my arms.   It made all the sleepless nights, all the fussy evenings, all the miles on the rocking chair worth it. Suddenly I forgot about the endless demands and just thanked God for this sweet baby.

It made me think about how much God longs to see that look of love in our eyes.

“But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge.” Psalm 141:8

over my limit September 25, 2009

Life has been crazy lately. Trying to homeschool a third and a sixth grader, care for an infant, and keep a house in order on insufficient sleep is a little more than I can handle. I am definitely over my limit.

Yet, I know that God has called me to this time and place in my life. This sweet baby was His idea. God is the One that showed me how much my 9 year old needs one-on-one schooling. The details that need to be managed at home are numerous…but only evidence that God has blessed our family immensely.

I’m over my limit because, once again, I am trying to do this on my own. This is a mountain that I keep going around and around…. when will I learn?

I believe that God is allowing the pressure in my life to increase so that I will turn to Him and learn to trust Him more. He wants to do this work through me… all I have to do is allow His love, power, and grace to flow through me.

I read this quote by Oswald Chambers this morning, and it confirmed what God has been trying to communicate to me lately:

If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally; as long as we have the dead set purpose of being disciples (by our own power) we may be sure that we are NOT.

He says, “I have chosen you.”

That is the way the grace of God begins…we can disobey it, but we cannot generate it.

Our Lord’s making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted do to by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always.

So, today and I am not going to try to BE anything. I cannot generate the grace that I need for today. I am going to REST in the Lord and let Him do all things through me. What a blessed relief!

shadows & sunshine September 16, 2009

My three month old baby hates to be in the car. He screams like crazy whenever I have to take  him somewhere. My daughters and I have nearly gone mad having to ride with him! The other day, my nine year old asked me to turn on some music in the car. She handed me a Switchfoot CD and asked me to turn it up. I had to crank it up pretty high to hear it over the baby’s shrill cries.

Then something amazing happened. He stopped crying.  I guess he likes his music loud.

Needless to say, we’ve been listening to a lot of Switchfoot in the car. One of the songs that is sticking with me is “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine”.

You can’t have a shadow unless there is sunshine.  Something blocks the sunlight, and the shadow is created.

I was thinking about the shadows in my own life. How the dark days that I face sometimes prove that there is light shining on me. On one side of me, the Lord is shining His light. On the backside, there are some shadows. I can’t have one without the other.

I have a choice to make. Do I turn my head toward the shadow and focus on its darkness, or do I turn my face to His light? I must fix my eyes on the love, grace, and power of Jesus in my life. He is shining on me. I can feel it.

hair patterns August 18, 2009

My baby’s favorite place to hang out is on the back patio. He’s quite the outdoorsman already. We have a swing out there, and some days the only way to soothe him is to sit out there with him on my lap and swing him to sleep. As he sits on my lap facing forward, all I can see is the top of his head and his chubby legs sticking out.

We all know that God speaks in our quiet moments, so it was no surprise that God whispered some loving thoughts to me as I swung my baby boy.

I was observing his little hair patterns. His hair begins in a perfect swirl in the center of the top of his head. I can see the very first hair that sets off the pattern. I can see the many hairs that follow suit. It goes around and around covering his sweet head.

God whispered….

I am in all the details.

I orchestrated a perfect beginning for your life.

Every moment, every detail flows in the pattern that I decide.

My design for your life is beautiful.

I have it all covered.

Just trust Me.

perspective adjustment August 3, 2009

Read a great quote today:

“Never pray for an easier life — pray to be a stronger person!  Never pray for tasks equal to your power — pray for power equal to your tasks.  Then doing your work will be no miracle — you will be the miracle.”  (Phillips Brooks)

I’m feeling quite overwhelmed.  I get little pockets of time to get things accomplished throughout the day.  However, I am a person that NEEDS to complete things.  It seems that everything in my life right now is half done.  I am am letting this predicament steal my peace and my joy.

Instead of whining about all that I need to do and wishing things were easier, I just need to pray and ask the Lord to give me the strength to be successful today. I also need to ask for wisdom to make plans and set expectations for the day.  Good grief… I have an infant! There’s no way all the housework will get done today, but He will help me get the most important things done.

I was reminded this morning that having three healthy children in a comfortable home is a PRIVILEGE.  I am blessed.   So, rather than act overwhelmed, I should act like I am blessed.

Perspective adjusted.  Thank you, Lord.

give until it hurts July 21, 2009

I’m realizing that the reason that God made babies so darn cute and lovable is so that you won’t throw them out the window at 3:00 a.m…. even if the thought crosses your sleep-deprived, frustrated, at-your-wits-end mind.

I love this little boy.  I just forgot how demanding babies are. When it comes to caring for infants, the phrase “give until it hurts” comes to mind.

In my normal life,  I’m accustomed to giving until it hurts.  However, that’s often where I stop. Once the task, responsibility, or service becomes painful, then I give up.  I just can’t do it. I don’t have time or energy to do it. So I give up.

I’m giving right now, and it hurts!  Of course, there’s no backing out now. This little boy needs me… and I do love to care for him. Even when it hurts, I can push myself to do it. I cry out to God for the strength or the patience to do it. I remind myself that it’s not forever… this highly demanding and sleepless state is only for a season.

It occurred to me this morning (at 4:30 a.m.) that I am being trained to give until it hurts… and to keep on giving in the midst of the pain. God has many plans for me;  some will be incredibly trying and difficult. I will only be able to do them if I trust in Him. I must allow His strength to excel in me and accomplish the work for me.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.   Galatians 6:9-10

the hamster wheel July 8, 2009

Are you like me?  Do you spend alot of time imagining the future, running through scenarios, and exploring every possible outcome?  Do you make yourself crazy with anxiety and worry over situations you haven’t even encountered yet?

Do yourself a favor, and get off the hamster wheel! (That’s what I call it.) You’re going ’round and ’round trying to figure out the future, when you have absolutely no control over it!

I read an amazing passage from a great book about a year ago, and it has really stuck with me.  It has kept me off the hamster wheel many times:

(This is God talking)  “When I dwell with you, I do so in the present. I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine.”

“Do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures Me there with you? “

“It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can’t. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear.”

from The Shack by William P. Young

It’s about time that we start imagining the future with Jesus standing by our side.  What will we have to fear then?

.

But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.

Isaiah 43:1-5

totally exhausted July 3, 2009

As you can imagine, having a 5 week old baby means that I’m not getting much sleep.  I’m so disappointed that getting 3 hours of sleep before (and 3 hours of sleep after) a middle of the night feeding never feels like 6 continuous hours of sleep. I am totally exhausted.

I’ve also been feeling very “blah” when it comes to my spiritual life. Devotional time is hard to come by, and frankly it’s not the first thing on my mind most days. I’m trying not to listen to the enemy when he accuses me of being disobedient or tries to tell me that God is not happy with me right now.

Instead, I’m trying to open my heart and my spiritual ears so that I can hear what God would say to me right now. I’m working on getting into His word (bible) a few times a week, because I know that He speaks to me that way. I’m also trying to be still a few minutes each day to hear what He might whisper to me (in my thoughts) through His Spirit.

This week, He’s been assuring me that He loves me no matter how “spiritual” I am with my attitude or my time. He reminded me that I have been through so much in the last two years. During that time, I was hanging on for dear life… facing daily challenges to my faith, my security, and my sanity. I waited so long for God to do what He promised He would do…and just last month He saved our house and delivered our baby boy.  In the past few months, He has dramatically changed our financial situation. For now, the fight is over and I can relax. If I can remember how to do that.

The Lord showed me that I am totally exhausted from hanging on for so long. Spiritually speaking, I am worn out and I need to rest. He is providing this time of rest for me. I need to stop beating myself up for not being more spiritually alert and active. The “blahs” I feel are a let down from all of the fighting, standing, and struggling I’ve been going through.

So, I’m going to rest right now. I’m going to talk to God and read the bible as often as He nudges me to do it. I’m not going to keep track in an effort to measure my spirituality or give the enemy a foothold to accuse me. I’m going to blog when I feel inspired, and not worry about what you all think of me when I don’ t post something new every week.

If you’re totally exhausted… and God is trying to get your attention… then stop torturing yourself and rest in Him!

Consider Psalm 116 in a new light:

I am the LORD, and I know that you love Me.

I heard your voice; I heard your cry for mercy.

Because I have turned My ear to you, You will call on Me as long as you live.

Indeed, the cords of death entangled you, great anguish came upon you;

You were overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then you called on My mighty name, and you said,  “O LORD, save me!”

I am the LORD, and I am gracious and righteous; I am full of compassion.

I always protect the simple hearted; when you are in great need, I save you.

Be at rest once more in your soul, for I have been good to you.

I am the LORD, and I have delivered your soul from death, your eyes from tears,

your feet from stumbling, that you may walk before Me in the land of the living.

How can you repay Me, the LORD for all My goodness toward you?

Lift up the cup of salvation and continue to call on the name of the LORD.

Fulfill your vows to Me in the presence of all his people.

Truly you are My servant; I have freed you from your chains.

Give an offering of thanks to Me and call on My name.

Praise Me, I am the LORD.

a little distracted June 6, 2009

Levi Simeon

As you might have guessed, I’ve been a little distracted.  Haven’t had much time to get to my blog.  Our little Levi came a week and a half ago, and we are just caught up in baby love.

I had a quick thought to share while my little one sleeps.

I’m amazed at the JOY I find in meeting my baby’s needs and how quickly I am learning to discern what he desires.  Right now, it’s my number one desire to care for him. It’s a joy, not a chore, to do so.

In the midst of my wonder…God gently reminded me that He rejoices in caring for me.  He loves to anticipate my needs and prepares my provision in advance.  He easily discerns my cries and knows what each tear means.

He loves you and me with an everlasting love. His eye is always on you and His ear is always attentive to your cry. He is the perfect Father!

Trust in His love and care today.

clouds May 15, 2009

A quick post today:

The Lord loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.

At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.

Job 37:11-12

Clouds are one of my favorite things that God has made.  They can come on a sunny day, offering shade.  They make sunsets so much more glorious.  However, clouds can also overpower the sun and obscure the light.  Clouds come with rain…with the storms.

He brings the clouds to correct men,
or to water his earth and show his favor and kindness.

Job 37:13

Has God brought clouds into your life today?  Are they casting shadows over you, or adding beauty to your sunset?  They have the ability to do both.  The Lord has brought these clouds to teach you something.  They will hover for a while.  Take comfort in His presence.  Soon, His clouds will bring showers of healing, provision, or release… whatever you need.  He loves you!